Solving Santos

Each day, America wonders what new things they will hear about this mystery man.


His name is George Anthony Devolder Santos, he is 34 years old and was born in New York, but that’s about all we know. With so little information regarding his past, it’s reasonable that no one would ever trust him, right? Yet as of January 3, 2023, he has represented New York’s third congressional district as the first openly gay Republican elected to congress.

Of course, we thought we knew Mr. Santos’ past, and that is how he achieved such a position of power. Since his election, however, there has been an avalanche of stories, accusations, and exposing information regarding his life and entire identity. The earliest problems were minor, but when it rains it tends to pour, so here is a rundown of the most interesting fibs, fabrications, and coverups designed to conceal the real George Santos:

Education is important to the legitimacy of any aspiring politician, and according to Santos’ resume he graduated from Horace Mann High School in 2008, and then proceeded to Baruch College, graduating in 2010 with a degree in economics and science. Members of each graduating class questioned these facts, and they commenced personal research.  Both schools were eventually involved, and neither found any record of Santos ever attending. To make the situation even more embarrassing, the lie hides in plain sight: the suggested timeline of events implies that Santos completed a four-year degree in only two years. Not impossible, but rather highly improbable.

Unlike education, your family and personal matters should probably stay unaffiliated from your career as your politician. In an attempt to make himself more relevant, Santos stood on the house floor and recalled his mother’s presence during the attacks of 9/11; yet another lie. He professed that his late mother had been in the South Tower on that day, refusing to elaborate and leading people to believe she was a victim of the tragedy. After some speculation, he had to establish she didn’t die that day, but rather fifteen years later (or what he described as “a few” years later) from breast cancer. Later reports caused further suspicion after confirming that she was actually in Brazil the entire month of September 2001, and her visa hadn’t been valid for years. The familial fiasco doesn’t end here though. 

During a speech on Holocaust Remembrance day, Santos came out saying that his grandparents were Holocaust survivors that fled Europe during World War II. This statement was made on January 27, 2023, and since so many lies had already been uncovered, a few tests were run. All genealogy reports came back to confirm that neither of his grandparents was Austrian, German, Polish, or from any other surrounding country involved. Santos still hasn’t publicly addressed the test results due to the recency of the subject. This ethnicity debate sparked the question of Santos’ religion, a conflict that caused old, deleted tweets to resurface.

When it comes to his religion, Santos can’t seem to keep a straight story. One moment he is quoting himself as a “conservative Roman Catholic,” and at other times he references his  Jewish heritage derived from the same grandparents he said escaped the Holocaust. Former roommates said Santos would regularly make anti-semitic comments, and then would explain that it was “okay for him to make those jokes because he was Jewish.” To accompany those comments, old tweets resurfaced in which Santos praised Hitler on multiple occasions.

In addition to all these controversial scenarios, Santos is also tangled in a few problems on the more comedic side of things, specifically involving former occupations. To keep it short, Santos performed as a drag queen while he spent time in Brazil. Former partners and coworkers confirmed he acted under the name “Kitara” in a series of revealing tweets, with photos as evidence. He denied everything at first, but after weeks of relentless pestering, Santos released a statement saying, “I had fun at a festival. Sue me for having fun.”

Santos has been in office for just over a month at this point, but his fellow Republicans already have made motions to remove him from his position. He has relinquished some powers that come with his role in the government in an attempt to delay the inevitable, but there are strong indications he may be on his way out. After losing an election for the same seat in the 2020 elections, it would be a huge blow to whatever credibility, identity, or ego he has left if he were removed after achieving his gaol. His legacy is already cemented though, a legacy that shows why lying your way into a government position will never work in your favor, and that you can never escape some of the things you regret doing in your life.


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